Welcome to the home page of the Caledonian Free State. Founded 70 years ago by the Society of Zen Cannibals as a refuge for aenthropophagists who preferred tofu to human flesh, the Free State is now a vibrant society that welcomes all vegans so long as they eat food molded into the shape of a ritual sacrifice victim.

Principal Cities
The national capital of Zenover is a bustling metropolis that boasts a fine port opening out onto Biscagne Bay. Winceton, a coastal hamlet, also possesses a fine port through which Caledonian coastal trade is conducted. The government is also studying plans that would add port facilities to the strategically located Yargle City. Other fine ocean-side communities include the villages of Vacuumville and Tingleton.

In the interior, the villages of Sitwell, Woolcott, Penmanship and Miseropolis dot Caledonia's attractive landscape. Of particular note is Needle-by-Haystack, nestled at the foot of the tallest mountain (497 ft.) in Caledonia.

Principal Exports
Soybeans, aromatic woodshavings, and that famously laid-back Caledonian attitude that says "Hey, I've got a 200-man crew of racially distinct indentured servants to do my whimsical bidding! Let's kick back!"

Scenic Wonders
Mount Haystack draws beginning skiiers worldwide with its easy slopes, lack of snow, and voluptuous Caledonian hula dancers. Visitors can also disport themselves with extreme canoeing on the Upsidedown Lakes. And Terror Forest located on the windward side of the Mountains of Madness provides recreational excitement for anyone who finds sanity a drag.

Tourist Attractions
Mrs. Gveltney of 847 Mashborough Lane in Winceton has a nice little beer garden where you can unwind from all that relaxation. She also sells windchimes that uncannily reproduce the screams of a man having the living heart ripped from his chest.

Government
The Caledonian Free State is governed by a President-for-Life elected on a need-to basis by the unicameral Congress. The current President, Mr. Lincoln Bendover, says he will write more about the government structure of Caledonia for this website when he gets back from the beach.

Warning
Tourists are requested not to speak to or to molest any of the roughly three hundred thousand caste slaves that actually perform Caledonia's manual labor. Doing so will lead to automatic deportation and the premature castration, flaying and guillotining of the serf(s) they speak to.

Map of the Caledonian Free State