Maxie Goes to Greece

Or, How an Itinerant Ex-Philosopher and Writer-Wannabe Tooled Around the Aegean and What He Saw There.

 

 

Chapter 3
On the Beach

It's official now. I have a nickname. I am "Whitey."

Strangely enough, it has nothing to do with my blazingly pale skin. But I'll get to the story eventually.

Yesterday was another "day off," meaning there were no planned trips and tours. There was 'morning session' after breakfast, where Andy showed us some short films. It would be too long and tedious to describe them all -- besides, there was only one in there that was sufficiently clever to try to share. Maybe I'll describe it later.

After the screening, I tried and failed to make a post here. Then, to cool off after intense frustration, I went to the beach.

It's a small affair, maybe 1/4 mile in length, and about 2 miles from the hotel. Best feature: The small bar next to it, where they will not only sell you alcohol, but even fix you a salad a stuffed omelette, if you're hungry.

The beach itself: The sand is brown and patches of seaweed grow close in to shore. But it has a soft and sandy bottom, and slopes gently outward, so that you can swim out almost 50 or 60 yards and till touch bottom. The water is still cool, but once you're out in it it's warm enough, and is completely transparent.

I went down to that beach not intending to swim, just to wade out in the surf. That's because I forgot my towel and had no sunscreen. But you can't really go swimming "a little bit" in the ocean, and within 5 minutes I was out in the deep end. Light waves, very cool down below but warm water on the top layer, where you can just float and bask.

Back on the beach there are chairs laid out so you can air dry without difficulty. People had paddle balls and volley balls, and everyone was amused by the local couple making out in the deep end, and the local topless girl who (to our frantic distress) managed to keep walking the other way when we were looking. Then a pleasant walk back to the cafe.

That's where I got the nickname. I was sitting out sipping an iced coffee and composing my journal entry when Anita, one of our African-American travelers, stopped by for a good chat. When it was over, she said something and started to leave. I looked at her in shock -- she couldn't have said what I heard. So I asked her to repeat it: "I said, 'Good luck with the writing.'" "Oh," I said. "I knew it was something like that, but for all the world, I thought you said 'Can I call you whitey?'" Well, we had huge laugh over that, and when she saw me again that night she grinned-- "Hey, Whitey!" So it's official now.

After she left my new chum Clay showed up, and we talked for about two hours about movies -- what the trip is for, after all. We talked about stuff we loved ("The Simpsons") and stuff we hated ("The Mummy Returns") and things one of us loved but the other hated ("Attack of the Clones" and "A.I.")

While chatting we noticed one of those little details that makes travel so neat: The island's taxi is a Mercedes-Benz. "How does a Mercedes wind up being a taxi?" Clay asked. Of course, we had to make up an answer. It wasn't much: Rich American comes to Greece and instead of renting a car, buys it outright. Then discovers that his dot-com fortune has evaporated, leaving him penniless and assetless, except for this Mercedes. Instead of selling it and running tail-tucked to the States, he uses it as a home/taxi to try to scrape out a living in Greece.

Well, it was a start, but we were too lazy to develoop a plot, so we fell back on the usual formula: "Wackiness ensues."

Which of course is the Disney formula, as we discovered when we tried generalizing the template:

  • Snow Dogs: Cuba Gooding Jr. inherits a bunch of sled dogs. Wackiness ensues.
  • The Mighty Ducks: A lawyer must coach a school hockey team. Wackiness ensues.
  • The Love Bug: A man buys a sentient VW Bug. Wackiness ensues.

We then went on to apply the formula more broadly, to see how various famous films would have turned out if Disney had made them:

  • Star Wars: Princess Leia steals the plans to the Death Star. Wackiness ensues.
  • A Beautiful Mind: John Nash revolutionizes economics but goes insane. Wackiness ensues.
  • Amadeus: The jealous Salieri decides to murder Mozart. Wackiness ensues.
  • Citizen Kane: Charles Foster Kane inherits millions but loses his sled. Wackiness ensues.

This is why contemporary movies are so bad.

Another roving feast at another restaurant, and though it was quite excellent it was not nearly as special the second time. Afterwards Clay and Anita and I adjourned to the cafes, to drink wine and beer and coffee and alcoholic spritzers, and regale each other with ghost stories and recalled dreams. Bed at one in the morning.

Tomorrow: The Bataan Deathmarch II: Electric Boogaloo
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