Dear Joanie,
Thought you might enjoy this one yet.
Then I promise, it's the absolute end
of the recycling bit.
"Trash Day"
July 8, 1992
Gather up the newspapers, separate the cans -
Cans go in the green bag, garbage in the white,
OK! There's a glass bottle, what shall I do with that?
All those plastic milk jugs! I just can't cope with them.
Sometimes it's just a bit too much and -
I cheat, and send all the plastic and glass to the
Landfill. That would be the white bag of course.
How I wish that -
Someone would recycle me!
Aug. 7, 1992
Hello? City Clerk? Yes, this is Evelyn Weber,
Taxpayer and Senior Citizen.
I'd like to see about being recycled.
Oh! Thank you, (she's patching me through to the City Garage -
They take care of trash pickup and recycling.)
Yes, Hello, I want to be recycled!
Garbage in the white bag, trash and cans in
the green. Newspapers in the brown shopping
bags. Put them in the mill paper bins.
Yes! Yes! I know all that, but I want to be
recycled. Me, my own personal self! Oh
you'll patch me in? OK (I'm on hold)!
Haven't heard that song in a long time!
Hello? Norwood mental Health Center?
No, No you may not help me, good-bye!
Try to get satisfaction on the telephone, impossible!
Got it! I'll go out there to the curb and
Sit down next to the green bag.
Maybe someone will recycle me!
"Hello Mr. Higgins, Good-bye Mr. Higgins"
Hello Mr. Higgins. This is Evelyn Weber calling.
You see, I've been trying to get recycled!
But I haven't had any luck. Somehow I
thought, that to be recycled I would
just kind of vaporize or something.
As one person so crudely put it -
Lady - you have to be dead first! And
of course he was right.
That's when I thought of you.
I know your dad Arnold was a very
compassionate man. I'm sure he
passed those qualities on to his sons.
What's that? Just let nature takes it's course?
Of course that's the answer.
You've been a big help. Thank you!
I'll be seeing you, Mr. HIggins.
Well, at least you'll be seeing me!
Goodbye, Mr. Higgins!
SHE WROTE IN SUNSHINE.
SHE WROTE IN RAINY WEATHER.
SHE WROTE VERY CRUDELY.
SHE WROTE WITH FINESSE.
SORRY TO SAY -
SHE HAS WRITTEN HERSELF
TO DEATH.
HERE LIES A VERY BORING
GRANDMOTHER, SHE SPENT SO
MUCH TIME IN HER OWN COMPANY.
SHE BORED HERSELF TO DEATH
YOU SEE.
HERE LIES EVELYN WEBER.
SHE WAS NOT WITTY.
SHE WAS NOT CLEVER.
SHE COULD NOT EVEN TIE HER OWN LACES.
NO NEED TO MOURN, NO NEED TO GRIEVE,
THE LADY HAS FRIENDS
IN VERY HIGH PLACES!
HERE LIES EVELYN WEBER.
SHE WANTED ONLY TO WRITE
SOMETHING SILLY, TO MAKE
SOMEONE LAUGH. SO SHE WROTE
AND SHE WROTE WILLY NILLY.
SHE THOUGHT THAT THE RHYMES WERE
SO FUNNY, YOU SEE, AND EVEN THOUGH
"SHE WHO LAUGHS LAST, LAUGHS BEST",
THE POOR OLD LADY HAS -
LAUGHED HERSELF TO DEATH!
May 3, 1993
Good morning God! I've come to pray -
To give you thanks this fine rainy day!
Much more like April than a day in May.
But - no matter, May flowers will come,
The trees will have leaves, the flowers will
Sprout. I've thrown all the artificial ones out!
And so I wait - for Lily-of-the-Valley and
Lilac, with perfume so heady as to overwhelm one
But no matter! The doors and windows will
Be open. What wonders to anticipate!
And - if I make it to June, it will be, as all
Good things are, by your grace. Tiny rose
Buds from out in my yard that will open in water
to fragrant pink roses. I am so blest!
Your praise, I shall ever sing!
Thank You God For Everything!
Amen.
Tuesday, May 19, 1992
I may not pass this way again.
So - If I can sow a seed
Or do a deed, to spread the Word of God
I shall! I may not pass this way again!
Thank you God -
For one more day, for time to think,
And write and pray. For health,
For wealth, for favors granted.
I'm sorry for the sins of this day
And all of my life. With your help
I will start over again tomorrow.
Amen.
September 24, 1992
Bless us, oh Lord, we pray this day -
Help us, along life's troubled way.
We will be safe with Jesus to guide us,
To love, to help, to stand beside us,
To urge us on when the going is hard,
To be there when our own steps falter,
To lead us on to God, Our Father!
Amen.
Dear God,
Bless us today.
Make us aware
In every way
of all the gifts
That You have given.
Help us in our daily
Living.
Amen.
Sept. 25, 1992
Dear God,
Another nice day. Bright sunshine!
Guess I could call this Indian Summer.
Pretty early in the year for that.
Whatever it is, I will take it!
And enjoy it. Sunshine is good
Whether you are inside or outside!
Thank you God for sunshine!
Thank you God, for everything!
Amen.
September 25, 1992
Thank you God, for everything!
For things that grow, for birds that sing,
For food, for drink, for family,
For all Your gifts, bestowed on me.
For love, for poems, for security.
But most of all, I thank you God -
For Your dear Son, who died for me.
Amen.
September 28, 1992
Bless us oh Lord,
For this we pray.
Provide the things
We need, today
To do Your will, to work,
To pray,
To spread the good news along the way.
Amen.
September 30, 1992
Dear God,
Help me please to pray my prayer.
To control the wayward thoughts
That seem to wander here and there -
Despite all my good intentions.
It is not length that matters -
But intensity. So today, this is my prayer.
God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
Have mercy on me!
Amen.
October 1, 1992
Another day! So blest by God,
So beautiful, sunny, warm. Can
This really be the first day
Of October? I'm waiting for
Fr. Karobolis. He will bring me
Holy communion, tomorrow is
First Friday!
November 12, 1992
Dear God,
Help us today, give us the graces we need to pray
for the leaders of our beloved country. give them
the guidance and help they need to make the right
decisions. To help the rest of the world. Give us
all Your blessing, make us truly "One Nation Under
God".
Amen.
Infant Jesus in the manger
Resting there upon the hay
While the wise men kneel
Before you bearing gifts
This Christmas Day. Would that
I could be there Jesus
And with the shepherds kneel
And pray. Offer my gift of love
To You this Christmas Day.
EVELYN M. WEBER
"Morning Prayer"
June 25, 1992
Dear God, what kind of day will this day be?
Will it be good, or will it be bad?
Will it be a happy day?
Or maybe just a little sad?
I know You will give me all the help I need
To bear my burdens gracefully -
To offer up in loving presents,
The pain, the joy, the anxiety,
The strength, the weakness,
My life, I offer all to thee.
Amen.
"Evening Prayer"
June 26, 1992
Thank you God, for this fine day.
For time to pray and time to sing.
For all Your Gifts, a happy day can bring.
If I have sinned, this day -
I ask for sorrow -
And grace, to do Your Will, tomorrow.
Amen.
Dear God,
Brisk refreshing breezes blowing.
The rain has stopped again to a degree
It's only 2 pm, I'm sure there are more to come.
I don't see raindrops - I see those
Luscious little tomatoes from Fred's
Garden. Fred is Therese's neighbor.
He plants a huge garden. He supplies
His family with all they can eat
And can. Gives away the surplus.
That's the way You want it I believe.
So if, instead of raindrops, I see
Little tomatoes and berries rolling
Across the road, bear with me.
Green beans picked fresh from Doreen's garden?
But it will all workout.
There just isn't anything better than
Spring and summer, heat, humidity,
And all.
Thank You God, For Everything!
"Count Your Blessings"
July 6, 1992
Count your blessings, add them all up.
After you've done this, you will find
There is far more on the plus side
Than on the minus side.
An old Monsignor, had a favorite sermon
About how God will not be outdone in generosity.
He always said, "Cast your bread upon the water,
And it will come back a thousand fold."
So - next time you feel blue or deprived
Count all the entries on your plus side, you'll see,
Just as the old Priest foretold?
Your blessings have come back a thousand fold.
"Toot Your Own Horn"
(To the teenagers of 1992)
July 6, 1992
Toot your own horn, Sing your own song,
Don't run with the herd.
Be your own person, what if some unfortunate
Calls you a nerd? Are you going to cave into a word?
What of Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, and
Alexander Graham Bell? They were true to
Themselves, and in so doing, gave benefits to
all men. Your ideas have worth.
Follow through. Be true.
True to GOD and true to YOU!
May 20, 1992
"Too Many Irons In The Fire"
Too many "Bones To Pick"
Too many "Axes Left To Grind"
It's enough to make a body sick!
If "Time Heals All Wounds",
And "Patience Is its Own Reward",
Then I'll just sit here and relax
And leave it all in The Hands of God!
May 21, 1992
If "Haste Makes Waste"
And "A Stitch In Time Saves Nine",
Have I been stitching fast enough
To save the other nine?
Or should I forget this silly race?
And stitch away, at my own pace?
Just do my best at every task
And hope that He is pleased with me!
Friday, May 22, 1992
"They" say that "Time Is Money"
And "A Stitch In Time Saves Nine"
Did I stitch fast enough to save mine?
But, no matter, enough of this silly race!
You know "They" also say -
"Rome Wasn't Built In A Day"!
Tuesday, May 19, 1992
If "Silence Is Golden",
How come "The Squeaky Wheel Gets The Oil"?
And if "Wisdom Comes With Age" (72 here),
How come I didn't get any?
People say that "Time Is Money"
And "A Penny Saved, Is A Penny Earned".
I'll save my pennies,
"Put On My Thinking Cap",
And maybe I can get some!
It may take time, "Rome Wasn't Built In A Day".
So - I'll just "Roll With The Punches".
"Life Is What You Make Of It", but not entirely,
Whatever God decides for me,
Is the way I want my life to be!
"Familiarity Breeds Contempt"
"Variety Is The Spice Of Life"
"Talking Through My Hat"
"What Goes Around, Comes Around"
"Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained"
"Two Can Play That Game"
"Don't Cry Over Spilt Milk"
"It's Never Too Late To Learn"
June 18,1992
"You Can't Teach An Old Dog New Tricks",
You can't tell an old heart it's spring.
You can tell an old heart -
You love Him or Her,
And then spring will be in the heart.
Age is only a frame of mind
One is only as old or as young as one feels.
"Cock Starling"
Sunday, June 21, 1992
Who killed "Cock Robin"? I did
Said the Sparrow, with my bow and arrow.
Well, it's not Cock Robin
This pesky bird that drives me daft!
It's Cock Starling.
I'm not a violent person, but
If I had a bow and arrow,
I think that I'd be sorely tempted
To shoot Cock Starling in the Aft!
"Booby Traps"
June 24, 1992
I've been advised to put everything on paper -
Every thought and prayer, every foolish caper.
Like overdoing in the kitchen, flour all over the floor!
Help! Help! Get me out of this room,
(It's full of booby traps.)
Well, I made it! And so, pen in hand
I start to write. In the cozy security of
my rocking chair. But - you know -
Recording it all, is not enough, and
There are days like this, when I end up
With sheets and sheets of very boring stuff!
Monday, June 22, 1992
If you say Nay and I say Yay,
It means that we can not agree.
If you say Fore and I say Aft -
Could it be we're all at Sea?
Aboard some stalwart? or fragile? craft?
Let's work harder, you and me -
Try at least to see eye to eye,
Or maybe just agree to disagree!
"Momma's Old Sayings"
"I'll get what Paddy shot at", or
I'll be "Up Shit's Creek".
You know, I've wondered all these years,
Just what did Paddy shoot at?
And where is Shit's Creek?
Some folks say I'll be "S O L",
And some go "A W O L",
I dare say, those who go "A W O L"
Could also be "S O L"
Or even "Up Shit's Creek"!
"Evelyn's Folly"
May 26, 1992
Seeing this dress, in mail order book,
I thought that I should have it!
So - I picked up the phone,
And I gave them my numbers.
It arrived "Post Haste"!
But a lesson to be learned here,
A moral to the story,
If you order by mail -
You will pay two ways,
Once through the checkbook!
And once through "The Nose"!
P.S. the quality is good, the colors only so so -
and so I've named the shapeless garment,
(that's large enough to cover two of me)
"Help!"
I just can't stop the things I say.
Why do I feel they have to rhyme?
So... I ask your help today.
But please, while there is still some time,
I just don't want to die in rhyme!
"Right And Rewrite"
Sometimes the piece doesn't look right,
And I decide to rewrite.
I know right from wrong.
Sometimes, I even know right from left!
Then why is it, after all the correcting,
And all the rewriting, I find out -
That I was write the first time?
"Hey Mom, Get Me Out Of Here!"
My boat looks so nice
Bobbing on the water.
Maybe I will turn it on -
A little harder, oh my,
Gee whiz! What's happening?
Hey mom! Get me out of here!
"Nostalgia"
Remember the Big Band Era?
Remember Kay Keyser and The College of musical knowledge?
Remember "Ich Kabible" and all of the
Fun songs he used to sing?
Like "Friendship", The music goes down and around?
Remember Larry Funk and The Band of a Thousand Melodies?
Lead singer Vaughan Monroe singing "Reaching for the Moon"?
Remember Abbott and Costello heading the
Steel Pier Minstrels in Atlantic City?
Remember Helen O'Connel singing "Tangerine"?
And Glen Miller and His Band.
Who could ever forget that special sound?
If his plane hadn't gone down in the fog -
People would be dancing to his music today.
Sometimes it's more fun to look backward
Rather than ahead.
To borrow a phrase from Archie Bunker -
"Those were the days"!
Even though we were fighting World War II,
We knew who we were.
A simpler people, a simpler time.
RECIPE FOR CHEER
November 4, 1992
Take 1/2 Tsp. of Giggles,
1 Tbsp. of Chuckles,
Mix with 1 cup of good strong coffee.
Shake well, and serve with dessert.
Serves one (1) silly old lady.
The sun is shining
This is truly a day
"That the Lord hath Made".
Let us rejoice. today and every day!
God has blessed us with such wonders,
It's almost more than my human mind
Can comprehend!
"Crap"
This crap is just too crappy!
Somehow I have got to put out
A better quality of crap!
All I ever wanted was to give
Someone a laugh! I'm just an old
Frustrated comedienne who missed
Her calling "way back when".
A million years ago? First I
Became a wife, but it was
Stifling. I love to laugh.
But my husband did not have
A well developed sense of humor.
I was making progress,
Teaching him to laugh, but
God took him so young, forty -
Nine years. There was not enough
Time. And then there were four children
Still at home to raise. Not a lot to
Laugh at. But we had our moments,
Like my recipe for "Nothing Pizza"!
When the cupboards were getting bare
The kids loved it! They still do!
And a really delicious dessert
We just call "Crumb Cake".
It doesn't take many ingredients,
Just a lot of intuition. So you
Know exactly when to put one
Together. It fills the house with the
Most tantalizing aroma.
Like apple pie and cinnamon rolls
All rolled into one.
(Oh boy! Still crap huh?)
bye-bye...
"Choices"
God has given me this awesome gift -
The gift of free will.
So many tough choices to make.
Which way will I go?
Will I tread the Primrose Path?
The path of least resistance?
Or will I walk the rocky road -
The straight and narrow that will ultimately
Lead me to Jesus!
Which way? Which will I choose?
Which way? Which way?
Only God knows for sure.
All I can do is pray!
I wish our families could be closer together.
Without so much "geography" in between.
And then I say, Oh Eve,
You are talking through your hat!
But I'm not doing that,
Talking through my hat!
I'm talking through my heart!
"Should Do Versus Want To Do"
I know what I should do (clean, do dishes),
But I don't want to! Today is Saturday.
Please God, can I have a day off too?
I promise not to skip my prayers.
They are the only real things. The things
Of sustenance in my life, that keep me
Going day after day. All I want here
Is to sit and write some little "silly".
Maybe make someone laugh, even if it's only
Me. Perhaps to write my epataph?
I can't even spell it. But honestly, I
Can see the humor in it!
To Helen, my sister in pain,
We are sisters in pain , you see, my sister,
Dolores and you and me -
So - take this prescription, with a grain of salt,
It's sheer nonsense meant only to be funny!
My legs don't work well anymore,
But I can use my mind you see!
To take me where I would like to be.
Flights of fancy, here and there
Saves a lot of energy -
Time and money and ticket fare.
And what the heck! (Shrug)
It works for me!
"Grandma's Thoughts on Teenagers"
(second installment)
You might say - Grandma, what do you know about teens?
I know a lot. I used to be one.
I know, for instance, that just being "kind' and "polite"
Can get you through some difficult times. Try it at home,
With your parents and siblings, at school with the kids.
Make politeness and kindness a part of your life.
You'll never be sorry you did.
You will have more respect for others,
And they will have more respect for you!
"Pain And Loneliness"
"Pain, I've lived with you for so long
Felt your sting and heard your mournful song."
A quote from something I read somewhere.
Pain? Make it your friend -
Don't go around and wear a frown!
Pain is only a state of mind.
A smile is a frown turned upside down!
So poof! Forget about pain!
Loneliness is a bit harder to deal with!
But I don't have to worry, there is always
Someone to keep me company -
I don't worry about loneliness
And no one has to worry about me.
I don't sit here on the shelf,
I have this dear old friend you see -
Her name is "Me".
"Jeffrey"
May 3, 1993
Four years worth of poetry in motion.
This little great grandson,
A wonder to behold! Everyone loves him, and
Everyone is annoyed with him at times.
He's a handful! With a heart full of love!
What is love? I asked in musing mood.
Humor, said the Joker.
Courage, said the General.
Money, said the Fool.
Knowledge, said the Sage.
Then, amid the silence,
Softly thus I heard - Each heart holds the answer,
Kindness is the word.
July, 1994
Jane and Dan stand side by side.
The vows are said, the knots are tied.
And may the sound of "wedding bells"
Soon give way to "baby's yells"
Have a great wedding day!
Love,
Grandma!
"Tribute To Tigger"
(A Pet Cat)
Two long years since you've been gone
I miss you still, old friend!
Many long hours we spent here together,
Twenty years of them,
Before your life would end.
You could read my mind, and I yours.
We communicated without language.
Thursday, May 21, 1992 - 7:45 am
Well, here I sit beside the phone
Hoping someone will call, (I'm alone).
My family really is loving and giving,
But they must spend time at making a living.
Only I am the idle one.
Sitting here beside the phone (All Alone!)
But - enough of this self-pitying
What is it that "They' say?
The "Devil Finds Work For Idle Hands", (and minds)
So I'll spend my time in prayer.
God is always here with me!
Friday, May 22, 1992
If the sun shines east,
And the sun shines west,
And Al Jolson knows where the sun
Shines best!
What am I doing in Central Wisconsin?
"Ode To Spring (In Wisconsin)!"
May 30, 1992
"Spring has sprung", I know it's true,
Last week our temps reached 94.
The sheep-lined slippers feel just fine!
I'll turn up the thermostat a little more.
So - spring away, you dear old state
I know, I know, I know it's spring!
I know because it's late!
Monday, June 1, 1992
"A Rainy Day In The Button Town"
That's what it was called!
The beautiful picture my sister made
In Miss Ida's kindergarten class.
How I wanted to go with her, but
I was just a "little girl", not more than
Two and a half years old.
To this day, i would still like Miss Ida
To help me create a beautiful picture. As
Beautiful as "A Rainy Day In The Button Town".
June 4, 1992
"I'm Looking At The World Through
Rose Colored Glasses."
I'm telling "One And All"
It's spring.
A time of new life - new beginnings.
With all the things of God that
Spring brings.
June 4, 1992
How happy St. Francis must
Have been to communicate so
Closely with all of God's beautiful
Animals and birds!
"Patterns"
June 15, 1992
Patterns of light and shadow
On the window, on the floor,
On the green leaves, swirling and turning,
In the trees, on the robins hopping about the lawn.
White clouds on a sea of blue sky,
A beautiful summer day.
But the sky is turning dark now,
And there they are! The patterns of
Raindrops falling! Like a
Benediction upon the parched Earth.
Tuesday, June 16, 1992
My legs don't work well anymore, but
I can use my mind you see,
To take me where I'd want to be -
On flights of fancy, here and there.
Saves a lot of energy,
Time, and money, and ticket fare
and what the heck, (shrug)
It works for me!
June 29, 1992
There is a favorite pen,
I use it every day
To record my thoughts,
Sort them out
And put them all in order.
Since all I ever write about
is me, me, me, me, me -
(The only one I know about!)
My pen works very hard -
She does deserve a name.
I'm going to call her "Mimi".
June 30, 1992
Sitting here, pen in hand, trying hard to write
Something really profound. All I can get is
A perfect blank! Zilch! Caput! Nothing!
We'll put it all on hold, Mimi and me.
I'll pick up the spray bottles and do up the chores -
Unload the dishwasher. Hopefully -
Vacuum the floors. Too much mill odor
Coming in the doors. Have to close up now.
Every day can't be a good one, can it?
Maybe we're just off the track. I'll go to the kitchen (dread),
And have another cup of coffee with my friends -
My new friend Mimi, and my old friend, "me".
There's a lot to talk about (mentally),
We do it all the time -
As long as I have "reason",
It doesn't have to rhyme!
Just Mimi and me and the tablet makes three.
We're not "happy", it says in the song,
But it sure beats being idle.
No more afternoons, that are two weeks long.
Got to keep the brain - a going -
Keep the cob webs out.
Just something, anything to do -
Can help to pass the time away.
To know that, when the day is ended.
I haven't spent it all in vain!
"Summer Sounds"
June 30, 1992
Bits and Pieces of sounds coming in.
In my windows, in my door.
Big 18 wheelers rolling through
The intersection a block away -
If it were any closer, I'd have to close things up
And miss out on all the precious noises of summer.
Street crews working, birds a chirping,
A welcome clap of thunder,
When we are having a dry spell.
The leaves are drooping on the tree,
And the lawn has turned all brown.
All it takes is one good soaking rain
For everything to come up green again.
God is good. It's summertime!
Enjoy!
"Quietude"
August 9, 1992
Not too much noise, not too much silence.
Gentle breezes blowing through.
Not too hot, not too cool.
It suits me fine, like being suspended in time.
For the moment I'm content, at peace!
But it won't be this way all day.
As I wait for someone to stop by -
Even though I know they are all too busy today.
I've read all the papers, and done all the puzzles,
Clipped all the coupons, did a few chores,
Had a bit of breakfast, much too much coffee.
This is the hour to write a little.
The sun is shining, I'm distracted,
Wish I could be out there -
But, wishing won't make it so, it's just a waste
Of time. I won't waste time. There is
Always something to do.
Let's get on with it!
"So Long September"
So long September.
You were very wet and soggy.
But still, I hate to see you go.
It means summer is really gone.
How many more will I see?
Only God knows that. So -
I'm not going to worry
About it. The grass is still
Lush and green. My little
Maples haven't turned color yet.
Haven't seen my robins, though
I believe they are already
Flying South. I've had to
Use the furnace this week.
School is on. Hustle and bustle
Of buses and stuff. It all adds
up to WINTER!
Oh, I hate it! I'd rather
Go South with my pet
Robin. I hope he survives.
I put bread out every
Day, but only see sparrows
Out. There now, I suppose
I should think up a welcome for October.
There is something good
About every season.
The best part of October is -
It isn't November or December!
Maybe we will get a little
Indian Summer!
I just hate all that Halloween crap!
See you next year September.
"Hello October"
October 1, 1992
Hello October! You are so early this year.
Could it be? You have graciously consented
To accept the golden days left over from
September? The dry crunching under -
Foot. The freshly painted leaves.
Fall is not my favorite season, but
I speak without guile, when I say -
"Hey October! I'm glad you have come
To stay a while!"
August 11, 1991
Hooray! Hooray!
Today's the Day!
Dear little Karla -
Is six today.
I wish her nice fun,
I wish her nice presents,
But most of all, i wish
As dear as she is
Is as dear as she stays.
September 30 ,1992
Dear Flossie,
As you know, I'm 72 (ancient), and I'd like to ask you something about fashion. I don't go out much. When I do, I wear a nice dress, nylons, and dress shoes (sensible heels). In the doctor's office all the little old ladies are wearing pants. I have never worn a pair of pants or jeans in my life! And never will! Any suggestions?
-"Granny"
Dear "Granny",
Get with it granny! This is 1992!
-Flossie
Dear Flossie,
You're no help at all! I may cancel the newspaper!
-"Granny"
Dear Flossie,
What to do about junk mail! I haven't given my name to any of these people! So - it does not bother me at all to stuff unopened junk in my salvage newsprint, letter, and catalog bag. I'm not asking you to express an opinion on this. Just thought I'd get it off my chest! I am not mad at you anymore Flossie, after all, I did ask for your advice! So I'll be waiting from time to time.
-"Granny"
Dear Flossie,
I'm a 72 year old grandmother. I read incessantly. Do all the household chores that I can. Still I have time on my hands. Any suggestions?
-"Granny"
Dear "Granny",
Yes! Count your blessings!
-Flossie
Dear Flossie,
I'm a young man between 25 and 30. My problem is finding a nice girl to date. Women keep giving me mixed signals, any suggestions?
-"Mixed Up"
Dear "Mixed Up",
Yes! Find a young woman with the same high moral values as yourself. Is there a nice little checker at the market? Get better acquainted. Church maybe? Big Sisters? Big Brothers? Your friends? Maybe you have known her for years. Good luck!
-Flossie
Dear Flossie,
I took your advise and went searching for a young lady of high moral values. I searched in all the right places. Thanks to your suggestions, I found her! Today we are shopping for a ring. Thanks Flossie!
- (no longer) "Mixed Up"
Dear Flossie,
Maybe you remember me, I've written "Ask Flossie" before. I've always thought I was a pretty fair speller, but lately I find that I'm leaving out letters and actually misspelling words! This bothers me! Do you think it's a trick of the eyes, or a trick of the mind? Any suggestions?
-"Grandy"
Dear "Grandy",
Definitely a trick of the mind! Why don't you send some of your stuff to me? I'll have my staff edit it for you. (smirk)
-Flossie
Dear Flossie,
RE: You offer, to edit my stuff - THANKS, BUT NO THANKS!
-"Grandy"
Dear Flossie,
My Mom and Dad argue all the time. Can't seem to agree at all. Do you think it's because he is a man and she is a woman?
-"Perplexed"
Dear "Perplexed",
You Got It! Have a nice day.
-Flossie
September 26, 1992
Dear Flossie,
I'm captain of my high school football team. I've got a real crush on the head cheerleader! How can I make her notice me? Any suggestions?
-"Football Hero"
Dear "Football Hero",
Make a touchdown? Did you know that there are other girl students in your school who are not cheerleaders? Some are even straight "A" students and have a fun personality to boot!
OPEN YOUR EYES KID!
-Flossie
September 27, 1992
Dear Flossie,
I'm a single, middle-aged male, 40 something. I have just moved into my own home. All mine! From the ground up. And that too. How can I let well meaning mothers, sisters, sister-in-law, and fiancee know that I would like to choose my own things - furniture, bedding, drapery, etc.? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Any suggestions?
-"Independent"
Dear "Independent",
Tell them what you have told me, and let the hurt feelings fall where they may! Good luck.
-Flossie
Dear Flossie,
I'm a 16 year old junior in high school (attractive). Why can't I get a date for school dances? Etc.?
-"Lonely"
Dear "Lonely",
Try dating some of the nerds. Some of the greatest thinking minds of our century were nerds in high school. Good luck. Have a nice day.
-Flossie
September 30, 1992 Dear Flossie,
Hope you remember me, ("Lonely")? You advised me to date some of the nerds? Well Flossie, I did! I can't remember ever having such a fun time on a date! You know, I have this uncanny feeling that some day I will be saying to persons yet unknown to me - "Oh yes! I've heard of him! I used to date him in high school!" I just thought you'd like to know.
-"Used To Be Lonely"
Dear "Used To Be",
Thanks! You've made my day!
-Flossie